


Walking Through That Door

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 06:32:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11435145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I scan the room, looking for my friends. And Kenny. Mostly Kenny, but I look for my friends too.





	1. And All Those Lonely Tears You Never Got To Cry

**Author's Note:**

> The title of the story and each chapters are going to be based off of a song by Future Islands.  
> This is my first fanfiction! Any and all critiques are welcome. :-)

For a majority of my life, I had been decently obedient. I was anxious about breaking curfew, I let my parents dictate my life choices, and, frankly, I didn't act like a real teenager. No drinking, no smoking, no sex, and no partying. Nothing. So, it's no wonder that even I would question why a good kid like me is at a bad place like Bebe Steven's house.

However, I do know why. Bebe guilt-tripped me into attending, saying something along the lines of missing me and wanting to be as close as we were in middle school. I remember thinking to myself upon her request, "If she so direly needed my presence in her life again, why is she rekindling our friendship one year before we graduate?" But I kept that thought where it originated. I eventually gave in and begrudgingly accepted her offer.

So here I am, several feet away from the threshold of Bebe's front door. That door, swung open, greeted me with the life of the party. I took several footsteps until I entered Bebe's living room. I notice many, many kids here and I also hear music play loudly from God knows where. Kids who I know, but never really hung out with outside of school. Fortunately for me, I'm well-versed in my interactions with most of the people at this party.

I awkwardly phase myself through the crowd of tipsy teens. Most of them are too drunk to care that I'm here or are not surprised that I showed up. Either way, I'm not confronted. That is, until I hear a familiar voice slur behind me.

"Butters, baby," Bebe says, startling me. "I've been waiting on ya!"

"Oh, haha. Hi, Bebe," I say back shyly.

"You're so tense, Buttercup. Drink to forget."

"I drink to forget but I always remember," I retort.

"Shhh," Bebe hushes me. She carefully walks to the kitchen and comes back stumbling with two shot glasses. She gives me a drunkenly evil grin and forces the glasses into my hands. I look at her for a moment, unsure of whether I should drink.

"Go on," she urges. I figure there's nothing for me to lose, in the actuality of things. I take a slow sip of the first one and immediately cringe and spit it out.

"This is disgusting, Bebe."

"You fuckin' idiot, you're just supposed to down it in a single gulp. It's not supposed to taste good. Try again, ding-dong! All in one go." I hesitate, but then I follow her advice and tilt my head back and down the alcohol. My throat burned and soon followed my chest. My eyes involuntarily watered up and I look at her for approval. Bebe is just smiling widely and waiting on me to down the second shot. To which I abide.

"Holy fuck. Not only is the one and only Butters Stotch at my party, but he's also drinking. God, if this doesn't get me immediate VIP status into the hottest club in San Francisco, I'm not sure what will," Bebe laughs. I laugh too, cautiously. I feel very gross and warm. Warm in a good way, though. The same warm I feel when I think happy thoughts.

"Anyways, come to the basement! That's where the people you're friends with are," Bebe says. She grabs my hand, and leads me to the basement. I follow her closely. Drinking doesn't feel like how you'd anticipate. I don't feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders and I sure as hell don't feel any different. That is, until I consciously question if I feel less uptight. Which, I do.

And then of course my mind questions whether I'll see the complete and utter love of my life here. Like, why not pop a boner, right here, right now, Butters? Great idea. Fantastic idea! If there's ever a time to get a hard-on, it's at a party, in front of God and everybody. I try to think of something else, but it's like I couldn't stop thinking about Kenny. My mind just wouldn't pull away from our memories together. It made me feel even warmer than the alcohol ever could. Gay. Very gay.

We rush down the stairs, the source of the music finally identified. Cheesy party songs filled my head, loud enough to maybe rupture someone's ear drums. I scan the room, looking for my friends. And Kenny. Mostly Kenny, but I look for my friends too.

It's really dark and my eyes are adjusting to the lights being off. As soon as I make it to the last step of the stairs, I turn and follow Bebe. If I were to guess where Kenny was, my guess would be on the wall trying to hike up some girl's skirt. I think about this, only for it to be my own undoing. My heart aches. 

However, when Bebe leads me to the group of boys I usually spend my free time with and I see Kenny making a fourth addition, I feel a mixture of emotions. Embarrassment, for one. Then stupidity. But when he looks me in the eyes and flashes me a smile, my heart bursts. I laugh and reciprocate the smile.

"Butters," Stan says.

"Hm?" My attention is drawn away from Kenny and to the other end of our group.

"What the hell are you giggling like a school girl at?" I laugh even harder. Yep, that was definitely worse than getting an erection. I laugh until there's tears in my eyes, Bebe joining my laughter.

"I don't, like, get it," Stan says after a long while. "Did something happen?" He turns to Kyle with a confused face.

"No," Bebe takes a minute to regain her breath from laughing so hard. She puts her arm around me and says, "Butters just took two shots and is acting like the drunkest fool in the world." I finally finish laughing and look up at her with a huge, confused grin on my face and furrowed brows. Did she really just expose me for having a low alcohol tolerance?

Cartman's face crinkled. "Butters, you asshole! You can't drink and not tell us. We wanted to be there." He lightly pushed me but it made me very dizzy and I fell over flat on my ass. I held my head and laughed more.

"Come on, fat ass. Did you really have to push him over?" Kyle glares at Cartman.

"I didn't even push him that hard!"

"Yeah, well, he's clearly... not sober. You know how people are," Kenny says calmly as he extends his hand to help me up. I stop laughing and grab his hand. As he helps me up, I look at what he's wearing. It was fashionable, and it seems almost foreign to me that there was ever a time he wasn't dressing like this. I stumble as I get up but I make it and hug Kenny. For a long time, too, because I feel incredibly silly.

"You can, uh, let go, Leo," he laughs.

"Oh, right. Sorry," I laugh back. I evade my eyes from his and look at the rest of our friend group.

"Butters, you homo," Cartman sighs under his breath as he turns around to talk to new people.

"I'm actually going to go get a drink myself," Kenny says. "So I'll be right back." He walks around our circle, leaving Bebe, Stan, Kyle, and I.

"So who wants to dance?" Bebe asks.

"I'll dance with you, Bebe," I say excitedly.

"I would but a slow song just turned on," Kyle says awkwardly.

"Yeah, same here. Sorry. You two have fun though," Stan agrees.

"You poor, repressed, teenage boys. You don't have to be so weird about it," Bebe says laughing.

"Yeah, I don't even like girls but I'm still dancing with Bebe." I turn to face Bebe. "No hetero, Bebe," I mimic Stan and Kyle. Bebe laughs for a second.

"Wait, what?" She says stopping herself. I look at her confused.

"Huh?" I sound.

"Dude, you're gay Butters?" Stan asks. I look over at him and Kyle and then around the room in slight panic. Kyle and Stan look distraught, almost disgusted. Fuck.

"I, uh," I start. I can't muster up the words to take it back and I don't want to confirm it either. There's a few seconds of silence. The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. 

"You guys alright?" Kenny says. I don't think I've ever turned around so fast in my entire life. He's holding a plastic cup in his hand. My face is flushed. Stan and Kyle look disgusted. Bebe just looks like she got caught in the midst of it all.

"Butters just outted himself as gay," Stan says with the exact same expression. Stan and Kyle look at Kenny for approval. There's a long pause. Kenny squints and looks at my humiliated face and then at Stan and Kyle's faces. And then back at mine.

"So?" Kenny says.

"He's fucking gay, dude. The kid we used to have sleepovers with. The kid we changed in front of in the locker rooms," Stan defends himself.

"Why does it matter?" Kenny asks.

"What if he's been checking us out? He's literally seen us naked, Ken."

"I have too and I'm bisexual," Kenny replies nonchalantly and shrugs his shoulders. "You guys have never had a problem with us before. Why is it any different now?" He takes a sip of his drink and waits for the look on their faces.

"Wait, what?" Kyle says, deeply perplexed.

"What?" Kenny asks.

"You like dudes too?" he asks.

"Well look who knows his suffixes," Kenny laughs. I was literally frozen.

"What the hell, Kenny. Why didn't you tell us?" Stan says defensively.

"Why does it matter?" The blonde replies. "It wasn't relevant."

"It is too!" Stan shouted.

"Woah. Okay, seriously, calm down Stan." Kenny starts to put his hands in front of him.

"I have nothing against gay people, it's just that you've kept this weird secret from us this whole time?"

"Yeah. It's actually real easy to keep secrets, Stan. I guess you wouldn't know much about that, though, would you?" Kenny starts to laugh again. Stan is, in fact, very bad at keeping secrets. He looks like he wants to sock Kenny in the jaw.

And he does. Almost, that is. Kenny sees his anger too and immediately steps back from Stan as he swings at him.

"Chill out dude. You're getting really worked up for someone who has no issue with gay people," Kenny says angrily. Kyle pulls Stan back until Stan backs down.

I look at Bebe and Bebe looks at me. We are stifled. Kenny is bisexual. Which, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it sort-of is.

"We can talk about this when you're done being hot -headed," Kenny says as he walks away from Stan and Kyle. As Kenny walks away, Bebe and I follow. 

"Yo, what the hell just happened," Bebe yells.

"Stan is homophobic," Kenny states simply. "I don't know why he's scared of you hitting on him when straight women don't even want to hit on him." I smile at my feet for a while as we move our way upstairs. 

"That was really sweet of you, Ken," I say quietly.

"Don't mention it. Seriously, you don't deserve that, Leopold. You're such a sweet soul and if they're going to drop you like that, then good riddance. I'll still be here." Kenny turns his face to look at me and smiles. 

"You're real sweet too, ya know that? Anyone would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend."

"Ahaha, is that so?"

"Oh yeah! You're one of the most amazing friends I've ever had."

Bebe interrupts us. "You guys! I just had the best idea of the night. Better than drinking and better than dancing."

We stop halfway up the stairs to look at Bebe.

"Truth or dare." she says as she waves her hands and bites her lip. I look at her for a long while. Who would we even play with? 

"Why not?" Kenny says. If Kenny's down then I guess I'm down, too.

"I'm in, I guess," I say reluctantly. 

"Fantastic! I will gather more people, you two sit on the couch upstairs," Bebe enthuses.

Kenny and I walk up the rest of the stairs and Bebe turns around and walks downwards.


	2. And All Those Lost Goodbyes You Never Got To Sigh

I don't know how I feel. Confused, I guess, is a good word to start with. Maybe optimistic if I squint. All I can really place a finger on is the fact that Kenny McCormick is making this "crush" thing a lot more difficult for me.

Once Kenny and I had made it upstairs, we went to the couch in Bebe's living room and sat down. I guess there were a few of Kenny's friends on the floor by the couch because he started talking to a few girls I couldn't identify. Smiling with a drink in his hand, Kenny looked like a dream. He probably felt like a dream, too.

Although I'm a bit jealous of the girls at his feet, I admire the way he works his words. He seems to know exactly what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. It might be because he's extroverted. Or it might come easy to him because he's attractive. Regardless, he's very casual with the girls at his feet.

I try not to pay attention to what he's saying until I see him in my peripheral view lean down and give the nearest girl a chaste kiss. He smiles while he closes his eyes and puts his lips to hers briefly. There was nothing passionate about it. I felt like I was going to throw-up so I just quietly slip away from the couch. The last thing I acknowledge about Kenny is him giggling as I face away from him and walk away.

I walk back downstairs, sort-of melancholy and really nauseous. I walk downstairs slowly but lazily while holding onto the railing. Bebe turns her head from the group of people she's talking to. She sees me and her expression changes.

"Where are you going Butters?" Bebe is seemingly innocent about the invasive question that I had no intention of answering honestly. A lie of omission has always been my closest friend.

"I don't really wanna play anymore," I reply, truthfully.

"Oh, why not?" She cocks her head. I look at her and the group of teenagers who are all anticipating my answer. If I had any thread of guilt about lying in my body, it sure as hell was no longer there.

"I'm not feeling it anymore," I angrily say. More so than I had intended. I walk down the rest of the stairs and push past the group of people. Bebe told the teenagers to go upstairs and that she would be up shortly. She follows me into the depths of the basement.

I'm not sure where I'm trying to go, but I'm trying to avoid Bebe confronting me so I speed up and try to find something to make myself look occupied.

"Butters, seriously," Bebe starts. I pause in my tracks and turn around.

"What?"

"Did something happen? Like, between you and Kenny, that is," she sternly asks.

"No. Nothing happened between us."

"You're a bad liar, Buttercup." God, I hate that nickname.

"I'm not lying. He didn't do anything wrong, he probably didn't even see me leave. I'm just being sensitive and," I pause to catch my breath, "a fucking idiot."

Bebe moves closer to me. "What did he do?" She asks this in a whisper that makes me want to start sobbing.

"He kissed a girl. I don't even, like, know her name. But, still, it made me feel jealous and ill and heartbroken."

"Butters, sweetie," she put her arms around my waist and hugged me. "I'm so sorry," she whispers.

"I just," I start, "I've been in love with him for so long, Bebe. I don't even know what to do anymore. It sucks so bad." I spill my heart out to Bebe. I frown and I try to cry but my eyes have lost too many tears over him, I guess, because nothing comes out. I just hug her back and close my eyes. The party stood still for a solid two minutes.

After I feel like I've gotten enough physical intimacy to tide me over for the next few weeks, I pull away. I want to thank her but the words get stuck in my throat. I figured I'll just tell her some other time at some other party on some other night. After my heart recovers, of course.

I hear the creak of the stairs as someone rushes down. I don't want to look. I just want to tell Bebe that I'm ready to go home. I feel drained, drunk, and disheartened. Not very fun.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Leopold," Kenny begins, "are you alright? I noticed you went missing. What happened?"

"I'm not really feeling so hot," I muster up. Kenny takes his hand off my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. Bebe takes her initiative to leave.

"You're not a very good liar." Kenny laughs. I don't find it very funny.

"I'm not lying."

"Look, Leo, I'm not going to try to force you to open up. But God damn, I'm really trying to be a good friend here." This prompts me to groan in frustration.

"It's personal. I'm going to go," I say shortly. Hopefully he won't interrogate me any further. I make my way up the stairs and Kenny rushes behind me.

"Butters," I only stop because he never calls me by my nickname. "Please don't go."

"Ken," I say slowly. "I don't feel good. I am going home."

Kenny rolls his eyes and grabs my hands. "If you don't want to talk about it, fine. I will." He quickly and quietly closes the gap between our lips. He is warm and softer than I had expected. At first I'm surprised, but I swiftly close my eyes and lean into the kiss. Kenny pulls his arms away only to place them on my face.

We kiss again, and again, and again. After a few more moments of locking lips, he pulls away. "I like you," Kenny says. "And I hope that doesn't ruin our friendship. I only want to go up from here." 

"I like you too," I whisper. There's no doubt in my mind how immensely happy I am in this moment.


End file.
